No Light, No Light
by Kimka333
Summary: "Every day I wake up I cry a little for the one I've lost. The person who I miss every morning as I roll over in my bed to look at my phone to see if there's a message. The one who I let leave. It's my fault. I need to hop on that plane and face it. Now there's no light in what I'm about to tell him." Blaine needs to make things right with Kurt. His thoughts. One-shot.


After the latest episode (Glease) I had to write this. Actually I wanted to after the break-up but the last episode gave me a better reason. Be warned, you will see a depressed, empty side of Blaine's thoughts here, narrated with the lyrics of No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Glee_ or No Light, No Light.

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Every day I wake up I cry a little for the one I've lost. The person who I miss every morning as I roll over in my bed to look at my phone to see if there's a message. The one who I let leave. It's my fault. I need to hop on that plane and face it. Now there's _no light_ in what I'm about to tell him.

_You are the hole in my head_

_You are the space in my bed_

_You are the silence in between what I thought_

_And what I said_

As we walk along the path in the park I'm trying to figure out how to word how I feel. I don't know what I'm going to say but I need to tell him. I know it's not going to end well and it's my entire fault! Kurt's my everything. I can't live without him. Why did I do it?

_You are the night time fear_

_You are the morning when it's clear_

_When it's over you'll start_

_You're my head_

_You're my heart_

"Please stop pretending there's nothing wrong." I don't know what to say. I'm starting to panic as I look into his eyes. He's so fragile but so strong. As I look at all there is to see within his eyes I can feel tears coming and my throat burns. Most of all, my heart is breaking. "I was with someone"

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes_

_I never knew daylight could be so violent_

_A revelation in the light of day_

_You can't choose what stays and what fades away_

_And I'd do anything to make you stay_

_No light, no light_

_No light_

_Tell me what you want me to say_

I don't even hear what he says next. All I can do is apologize and he runs off crying. Do I follow? I want to. Do I call after him? I can try. Nothing is going to be the same anymore and that sinking feeling in my stomach will be a piercing reminder of the guilt that's plagued me for the past few weeks. What do I do now?

_Through the crowd, I was crying out_

_And in your place there were a thousand other faces_

_I was disappearing in plain sight_

_Heaven help me, I need to make it right_

_You want a revelation,_

_You want to get it right_

_But, it's a conversation,_

_I just can't have tonight_

_You want a revelation_

_Some kind of resolution_

_You want a revelation_

No matter what I say didn't help and I as left in the morning he wouldn't even look at me. His actions spoke louder than words. No words could even begin to describe my sorrow and sorries. Without words his eyes had and his eyes said it all. Maybe it wasn't spoken but there wasn't anything I could do to fix it now. It was his move.

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes_

_I never knew daylight could be so violent_

_A revelation in the light of day,_

_You can't choose what stays and what fades away_

_…_

After auditioning for Grease it was getting worse. I wanted to cry. I wanted to curl up in a ball and die. I've long-lost the dapper Warbler I used to be. I'm a shell of myself now. I don't know how to fix this. Oh God I want to fix this so badly!

And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light

No light

Tell me what you want me to say

Most of the club knows we're done. They don't say much. They actually don't know. They don't know it was all my fault. They don't know about Eli or the fight. All they know is there's no longer a "Klaine." If they knew there may no longer be a Blaine Anderson either.

_Would you leave me,_

_If I told you what I've done?_

_And would you need me,_

_If I told you what I've become?_

_'cause it's so easy,_

_To say it to a crowd_

_But it's so hard, my love,_

_To say it to you out loud_

When he comes to Lima, he doesn't tell me. When we meet he hardly speaks. I don't know what to say, neither does Kurt. Why is this so hard! Damn it Blaine! Why!

As he leaves down to the audience, I watch him in the crowd. Sure I can sing and dance but I can't do everything. I can't hurt him, no not again. I need to explain so I'll catch him after the show. We need to talk about this. No more texts, or missed calls, we need to do this face to face.

_No light, no light in your bright blue eyes_

_I never knew daylight could be so violent_

_A revelation in the light of day,_

_You can't choose what stays and what fades away_

_And I'd do anything to make you stay_

_No light, no light_

_No light_

_Tell me what you want me to say_

"Kurt we need to talk!" When he tells me he's not interested, my heart sinks. This isn't what's supposed to happen. Especially him saying he doesn't trust me anymore. My soul mate doesn't trust me anymore. There's nothing I can say that he wants to hear. He wants it to have never happened. I wish I could do that. That would make up for this whole mess.

_You want a revelation,_

_You want to get it right_

_But, it's a conversation,_

_I just can't have tonight_

_You want a revelation_

_Some kind of resolution_

_You want a revelation_

He walks away and I feel empty. There's no happy ending in this story. Not tonight. Mr. Schuester leaves too but I never really knew him. One by one, everyone will leave me, just like Kurt. I still love him too, and that's what hurts the most. My fault, my stupid choices, so much for the Disney style ending, because now I know the truth to all this, there's _no light_ where I feel my soul slipping.

_You want a revelation,_

_You want to get it right_

_But, it's a conversation,_

_I just can't have tonight_

_You want a revelation, some kind of resolution_

_Tell me what you want me to say._

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A/N: Please review. I'd love to know what you thought and if this was any good. :) Thank-you for taking your time to read.


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